The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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