Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
