This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
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