Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Holy sore nipples Batman
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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