Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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