Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
