I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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