So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
