my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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