I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
