I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
