Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
