the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize