break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
