you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Best friends brother. Beat that.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
