she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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