Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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