Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
