i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
