Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
