found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
don't judge my taste in strippers
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
