ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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