yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
