I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
