It's Friday. Sex?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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