btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
