My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
