birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
