apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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