zippers are such a cool invention
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
