$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
