just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
