Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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