"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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