i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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