i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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