I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
where are my pants?
in the oven.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
