is your mom at the bar?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
