my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
