i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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