i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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