I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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