Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
