considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
