Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
