YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
