I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Randomize
