i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
it hurts more in the daytime
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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