I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
