so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
