It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
