I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
