What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
