OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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