when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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