I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
