How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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