They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
