I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
