12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
