I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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