We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
