dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Randomize
