So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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