Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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