i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
