swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
