my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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