he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
