hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
