Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
