This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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