I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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