I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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